The Single Girl’s Guide to Valentine’s Day

By Vanessa Sivadge

Valentine's Day: the one holiday met with groans by singles around the world. Between the overflowing flower displays, enormous stuffed teddy bears, and overpriced chocolates, this occasion has a way of exaggerating love to a nauseating degree. To make matters worse, social media posts amplify everyone’s blossoming love life. It’s no wonder that many wish they could skip over this day on the calendar altogether. A quick google search around Valentine’s activities results in hundreds of self-help guides encouraging the lonely to “treat yourself.” As a cure for Valentine’s Day woes, Hollywood and commercials promote indulgence and self-gratification. Do whatever makes you happy. You deserve it. This pop culture narrative deepens the discontentment and unfulfillment felt by those who wish they had a partner. Instead of focusing inward on what we “lack,” we should focus our energy outward on loving people. 

Long before homeschooling was trendy and cool, my parents chose to homeschool me in my hometown of Sugar Land, Texas. Then for middle and high school, I attended a private Christian school. My community of friends was Christian, like-minded people from church and school who shaped my conservative worldview and influenced my faith.  Although I did not date in high school, there were many times when I wished with all of my heart that my Facebook status could finally be changed to “in a relationship.” I watched as many of my girlfriends jumped from one relationship to the next. It seemed fun. It seemed like the popular thing to do. I often felt so alone in waiting for the man God had reserved for me; almost like my life hadn’t started because I hadn’t met “the one.” Even though I never had an official boyfriend in high school, I wasted too much time seeking attention from boys who were neither mature nor ready to commit. I look back with regret at my selfishness and my inability to see past my relationship status to help a world in desperate need of love and joy. I spent Valentine's Day year after year mourning my singleness instead of celebrating the incredible love I’ve been shown by my family, my friends, and most importantly by God. 

No amount of self-focus, self-love, or self-indulgence will meet the longings of your single heart.

We were created to love and be loved. The God who created us gets to define us, and He says we are loved fiercely and unconditionally. He calls us beloved, redeemed, set apart, and beautiful. We are His. Jesus Christ left the beauty and glory of heaven to die a death we deserved, in order to purchase our place in heaven. My eternal destiny is altered because Jesus thought of me as He hung on the cross. This reality changed everything for me- it was the missing ingredient in my pursuit of joy on Valentine’s Day. Zephaniah 3:17 says, “The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” When my heart chooses to dwell on the truth that the God of heaven rejoices over me in song, my outlook on Valentine’s Day (and every day) is radically changed. Ultimately, the longings of my heart can only be met in an unchanging, constant source: God. He is love. 1 John 4:7-8 says, “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” The greatest joy and satisfaction we could possibly experience does not come from pampering ourselves, treating ourselves, or in loving ourselves more. The greatest joy and satisfaction comes from knowing God and loving others. 

Valentine's Day is an invitation to leverage your singleness to love your community. 

After many wasted years of my focus being entirely in the wrong place, I learned that the secret to thriving on Valentine's Day is found in blessing my friends and in serving others with my gifts and talents. Jesus calls us not to love ourselves more, but to love others more as an outpouring of the love we’ve been shown. When we look to Jesus as our example, the focus of our affection shifts from ourselves to a lost and broken world in desperate need of God’s love.  In light of this truth, here are two things to keep in mind this Valentine’s Day.

Cultivate an attitude of gratitude

“God has promised to supply all our needs. What we don’t have now, we don’t need now.” –Elizabeth Elliot

Gratitude is the antidote to a self centered lifestyle. The simple exercise of pausing to remember our many privileges can shift our outlook from one of selfishness to one of thankfulness. We often take for granted the benefits we enjoy as Americans, our religious freedoms, our access to medicine, our wonderful families, our ability to work and earn a living, and the gift of friendship. These and so many other things are cause for gratitude and celebration. It’s a simple practice, but one that can drastically impact your outlook on life, love, and how you approach Valentine’s Day. Decide this year to shift your focus to the innumerable things you have to be grateful for. I would encourage you to grab a journal and start a list. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. 

See a need, meet a need

There are endless ways to support your community on Valentine's Day. For example, find a couple with small kids and offer to babysit for free while mom and dad go out on a (much needed) date. Choose five friends in your life you are especially grateful for, and write them handwritten letters of love and appreciation. Yes, old school style!  Everyone loves to receive a handwritten card in the mail, especially when it’s an unexpected surprise. My personal favorite: gather your girlfriends and organize a baking spree! Throw together some cute baskets with baked goods and encouraging notes. Make surprise deliveries around town to family and friends who would appreciate some yummy treats. Imagine their surprise when they open their front door to a delightful, sweet gift! Volunteer your time at a local charity. Contact your local nursing home regarding their policy on bringing kind notes and/or cookies for the elderly residents. Think outside the box on creative ways to spread love and light to the people in your life. Not only will you bring a smile to someone’s face, but your heart will be so blessed as gratitude becomes a lifestyle and serving becomes intuitive.

These are just a few ways to step outside your comfort zone this Valentine’s Day, but there are so many ideas on ways to love people you’ve never met. This year, purpose your heart to change your perspective on this holiday, realizing that true joy and fulfillment comes first from recognizing the gift of God’s unconditional love and grace. Valentine’s Day is a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate our gratitude by loving people well.

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