The Foundation of Partnership
By Lilly Mazzocchi
Life is a game of choices. Fundamentally, a romantic partnership between two people endures because they choose each other consistently for all their good and bad sides and all the good and hard times. Sometimes, that choice is confused by chemistry, that intoxicating feeling of spark and attraction that makes us forget whether the person is really a great match for us.
Chemistry does not equal compatibility. When it comes to building a relationship that is equipped to withstand the adversity inevitable in a shared lifetime, both compatibility and chemistry are needed to go the distance.
Chemistry with limited compatibility is not a recipe for longevity– and vice versa. It's a 50/50 game and you can't have one without the other to thrive. You and your partner don't need to be clones in your likes and dislikes, but you must know how to compromise. It's important you meet in the middle, and not stand in the middle all by yourself. Common goals and agreeable personality traits are critical to relationship success. People vary on the standards they demand for others, the kind of life they aspire to live, the person they want to be, and the family they desire. As we age, the scale becomes more grand, and choices become more deliberate.
A stable partner who wants to build with you, grow with you, and lead with you lessens the burdens of life and makes it sweeter. The biggest decision we will make is who we commit to life with. The criteria by which men and women choose partners complement each other— another sign of God's great design.
Women are capable of leading and sustaining themselves, but they naturally pursue a relationship with a man who can provide for them. There is a beauty of divine assistance in this partnership. It is best when she puts her trust in him and follows where he leads.
A man’s instinctual desire should be to take care of and protect his woman. The Bible depicts a partner for man as someone he can love and rely on. Iron sharpens iron. The goal is to evolve throughout our lives, and mature into better and stronger individuals as a result of knowing each other every day. A good partnership involves two people who choose to lay down their lives for one another, honor each other, selflessly and humbly serve, respectfully challenge, lovingly care for, and graciously forgive on days when they wrong each other.
You learn a lot about yourself when dating. It teaches you what you like or don’t like as well as what you can tolerate and what you can’t. It teaches you what you value in a partner, and what traits you know are not conducive to your personality, goals, or lifestyle. A closed chapter is always an opportunity to write a new book with someone who never makes you feel like you are asking for too much.
The challenges of life will always exist, but true and divine love will always prevail. Love may reveal itself through a situation, or an opportunity, and the circumstances might never be perfect. Partnership is built on hope, love, and a choice– not the ease of life. Epictetus stated that it is not what happens to you in life, but how you react and what you choose to do that truly matters.
Life is a series of lessons and choices. I've learned that no matter how much you love someone, you cannot love them so that they see the world or a situation in the same way you do. You might never know how something so trivial can lead to such a strong disagreement. You might never understand how you could be told you are wrong after explaining how something made you feel. I've learned that you can meet people where they are, but you might have to leave them there– and that's okay. Free will is a gift meant to be exercised fiercely, a skill that is sharpened through trial and error— and so is love.
Lilly Mazzocchi is a columnist at The Conservateur, a recent graduate of Texas A&M University, and a Masters Candidate at the GW Elliott School of International Affairs.
Photo via @hopeymayo
