Think of Yourself Less This Thanksgiving

By Patricia Patnode

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less,” Rick Warren wrote in A Purpose-Driven Life.

This is a worthy concept to meditate on this Thanksgiving.

Many women today report lack of confidence in themselves. The knee-jerk reaction is to treat such paranoia like a great societal problem. The woe-is-me attitude comes from dwelling too much on oneself and not enough on one’s family, community, and God. Nothing resets a distorted perspective faster than the realization that we are but small, though special, beings who are mere instruments in a magnificent creation. In short, have these women tried thinking of themselves less?

Our hustle culture primes us for self-obsession. We clamor to read about the 4:30 a.m. routines of CEOs or someone’s “5-9 before the 9-5” — a particularly popular topic on TikTok and Instagram. Mommy vloggers and fitness gurus walk us through their perfectly curated routines before starting what most of us would consider a normal day. 

When does this interest in self-improvement devolve into gross pridefulness? Neither the extremes of live-streaming yourself drinking celery juice at 5:00 a.m. or giving up all self-care as a rejection of vanity are good. We need to think about ourselves enough to not let our bodies and minds fall into disrepair, but not so much as to get stuck on the self-scrutinizing hamster wheel. 

Taking stock of our thoughts, reflecting on our personality traits, and perfecting our subconscious minds are the main topics of thousands of hours of Youtube videos, books, and how-to guides. These materials pick up in popularity heading into the new year.

Atomic Habits, Essentialism, The Power of Habit, Sacred Self-Care, The Five Archetypes: just a few of an endless list of titles to help us categorize our egos and tweak our morning routines. By labeling our communication habits “love languages,” we attempt to abstract ourselves from reality and become objective observers of our life. If we aren’t careful, we risk turning ourselves into golden calves.

The therapy-speak that has bled into everyday conversation is further encouraging self-centered behavior. “Protecting your peace” is sometimes important, but it’s more important to show charity and mercy to our neighbors and loved ones.

This Thanksgiving, we should count our blessings and give thanks for opportunities for growth. Give thanks for electricity, for clean sheets, for your rude aunt, for your ex-best friend, for the traffic you wait in, for the fact that the food we buy is safe to eat. In every moment, there are an infinite number of blessings. Many are baked into the trials we endure. 

We live in an age of enormous wealth and infinite information. Learning more about our religion, literature, and the arts as well as connecting with family and friends has never been easier. This access, and the constant pinging and buzzing of cellphones, can drive us a bit crazy. The answer to our technological anxiety is not to retreat into our minds in order to create distance from the world or aggressively self-analyze. Instead, we should be intentional with our time, remember our many gifts, and give more than we receive on this holiday and all other days. Who knows, maybe it will become routine.

Patricia Patnode is a columnist at The Conservateur and a Junior Fellow at the Independent Women's Forum. She can be found on Twitter @IdealPatricia.

Media by Ellen Baize/Reminisce