Ten Signs That Your Boyfriend Is a Real Man
By The Editorial Board
In 2018, The New Yorker posted a satirical piece called “Seven Signs that Your Man’s Masculinity is Nontoxic.” Go read it, it’s actually really funny, but in 2021, three years after its release, we had to double check it was actually satire. The signs, such as “he carries an eco-friendly, pro-feminist totebag” or “he opens metaphorical doors for women at work” seem closer to reality than humor today.
While I can’t imagine any conservative girl falling for these betas, I’m sure there are many leftists manifesting a man who belongs on this list. So, in response, we’ve come up with ten signs that your man isn’t a beta male — you know, for real TC girls who want real, manly men.
He doesn’t artificially brand himself as a “feminist” while simultaneously hooking up with every female he encounters, only to never call any of them again. Cringe. He shows that he values women by the way he respects and loves the special ladies in his life, namely his mother, sister, and girlfriend.
He won’t hesitate to investigate your car troubles while you shine a flashlight and provide moral support. He is your knight in shining armor and personal handyman, rescuing you from automobile inconveniences and saving you money at the mechanic.
He knows how to use a gun and defend you in times of crisis. Swoon.
He cries on only three occasions: when his dog dies, when he hears “God Bless the USA” by Lee Greenwood, and when his team wins the Super Bowl.
He is a chivalrous gentleman who hoists your luggage into the overhead compartment of a plane, carries your shopping bags, and physically opens every door for you. Sure, you're perfectly capable of doing it yourself, but you’re a princess to him. Obviously.
It brings him sheer joy to galavant around a hardware store. He can’t wait to go to Home Depot and make a beeline for the lumber to pick out some fresh two-by-fours, which he lamentingly discovers are more expensive this year. Thanks Biden.
He drinks brown liquor and smokes fine cigars. He’s well versed in bourbons and scotch and isn't interested in wine, which means you’ll have plenty left for your girls night in.
He goes all out for the Fourth of July. I’m talking about fireworks, barbecue, a killer playlist, and a star spangled Hawaiian shirt. Oh, and beer. Lots of beer.
The military wouldn’t deem him unfit to serve if we ever went to war again. He’d make a fine soldier (and look fineee in uniform) unlike most young American dudes today.
He opts for cowboy boots and flannel — not tie dye and Birkenstocks.
Photo via Pinterest
