Restoring Authentic Masculinity to Save America
By Rebecca Salamone
For the single ladies, we lament together in the challenges of navigating this season. Dating apps are often unsuccessful and time-consuming. Three out of ten U.S. adults said they’ve used a dating site or app.
While 54% of women report feeling overwhelmed by the number of messages they receive, 64% of men report feeling insecure due to the lack of messages they receive.
While dating apps have failed to meet the needs of the modern dating market, old-school courting methods don’t seem to be making a resurgence either. The days of a man asking a woman out on a date who he meets in line at the grocery store appear long gone. Women report feeling discouraged by the lack of chivalry and pursuit by men in our culture. Men often report feeling afraid to approach a woman, citing fear of being perceived as “creepy” or “pushy.” There’s wide miscommunication among the sexes when it comes to the dating dance.
When did it all go wrong? Who is to blame? The patriarchy? Likely not. Modern feminism is the obvious culprit behind the dissatisfaction. The movement has emasculated men, leading to a declining masculinity.
Contrary to popular opinion, second wave feminism did more harm than good. In the 1960s and 1970s, modern feminism removed the natural discrimination between the function of men and women. With many women foregoing their natural and innate femininity for corporate pantsuits, dominating the working world and academia, men lost out.
Society recalibrated to support the high-powered business woman, helping her break all the glass ceilings. Professional environments adapted to favor more feminine traits: collaboration, conscientiousness, strong attention to detail, story-telling, sitting for long periods of time, and high emotional intelligence. The result was a climate in which it was difficult if not stifling for men to thrive. Men were left without a strong purpose, increasingly undermined by the world around them.
Modern feminism also let marriage and motherhood fall to the wayside, neglecting a woman’s irreplaceable role in raising the next generation.
As a likely result of modern feminism, American men are now suffering in a way that we’ve never witnessed before. Of eligible working men between the ages of 25 and 54,
7.2 million are not working or even looking for work. Rather, these men are averaging seven hours each weekday to “leisure time,” such as playing video games and watching TV, according to data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics from 2021.
American men are not flourishing. Young men commit suicide at a rate that is four times that of women. Women now collect 60% of the bachelor’s degrees in America and 60% of young men are single–at a time when a man’s biological drive to mate with a woman should be at an all time high.
To further belabor the point, single men aren’t even having casual sex. The recent California Health Survey reported that 43% of men between the ages of 18-30 had no sexual partners in the preceding 12 months. Young men are lonelier and more lost than ever.
The lack of flourishing among American men is detrimental to the growth and health of our nation. Strong men are needed to maintain a robust military, to cultivate farm land, to erect infrastructure, to preside as leaders, and most importantly, to serve as husbands and fathers. Without strong men, our country will be left hungry, susceptible to foreign invasion, and without law and order.
Young women also feel hopeless. How are they supposed to find a man who is a provider, protector and a future husband and father when so many men seem uninterested in the vocation of marriage? But as much as modern feminism can be blamed for men's diminished state, women can play a positive role. I would argue that they have a responsibility in restoring authentic masculinity in America.
Modern feminism constructed a persuasive narrative around men and the detriments of the “patriarchy.” This prevailing consensus has led to decades of women, perhaps unknowingly, emasculating the men in their lives–their boyfriends, husbands, fathers, brothers, male friends and coworkers by their actions and the words they speak to them, often attempting to prove how “capable” they are. By living in the, “I can do it” and “boss babe” mode, women have inadvertently created a climate in which the divine talents and gifts of men often can’t be expressed and appreciated. This has left men feeling directionless and abandoned.
Here are five ways women can uplift and inspire the men in their lives:
1. Practice receptivity. Provide space for him to step into his masculinity. Rather than reaching for the door, pause for a moment and give him the opportunity to lead, take initiative, and open the door for you. Be receptive to his offerings and provide space for him to step into his masculinity.
2. Learn how to ask for what you need, and then give him the opportunity to fulfill that need.
“It would make me so happy if you planned a date for us.”
“I really like it when…”
3. Ask for help and let him help you, especially for tasks requiring more physical labor. Men are designed to be protectors and providers, so allow him to do so! Rather than lifting your heavy moving boxes or hanging your picture frames alone, ask him to help. He’ll be ecstatic to do so!
4. Ask him to teach you something. When you ask him to teach you something, you create space for him to exercise competence, reaffirming his role as a provider.
5. Vocalize your appreciation for him, rather than criticizing his imperfections. Men have a strong desire to be seen and attended to.
The wellbeing of American men is crucial to America's success and future.
“If we really understood how much beautiful power is in our authentic femininity to uplift and bring out the best in men in our lives, it would truly transform our culture in a way that supports the good, true and beautiful of this world,” Maria Spears Mumaugh, Catholic Mindset Coach and Founder of the Intentional Single™
Rebecca serves on the Board of Directors at Young Catholic Professionals-Boston, an organization that encourages young adults to “work in witness for Christ” and see their work as a vocation. Full time, Rebecca works in the biotechnology industry in Boston, MA. You can find Rebecca on Instagram @rebecca_salamone_ and Twitter (X) at @becca_salamone
